An Introduction to Parts Work: What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Ever feel like there’s a full-on debate happening in your head? One part of you is all, “Let’s go for it!” while another is screaming, “Danger! Stay in the comfort zone!” This is human! This inner tug-of-war is totally normal, and there’s a therapy approach that not only gets it but helps you make peace with all those inner voices: Internal Family Systems (IFS).
IFS, or “parts work,” is like holding a family meeting with all the parts of yourself—except this time, everyone gets a chance to speak, and nobody storms out. Whether you’re working through trauma, managing anxiety, or just trying to figure out why your inner critic won’t chill, IFS is a compassionate, curiosity-driven approach to healing.
So, What Exactly is IFS?
IFS works on the idea that your mind isn’t one unified whole but a collection of “parts,” each with its own personality and job. These parts aren’t random—they’ve developed to help you survive and navigate life.
For example:
You might have a perfectionist part that’s determined to avoid failure by making sure everything is just so.
Then there’s the inner critic, always ready to point out what you could’ve done better (thanks, buddy).
And let’s not forget the fearful part, which thinks every risk is a shortcut to disaster.
The star of the show, though, is your Self—that calm, wise, compassionate core that can help all your parts work together. IFS helps you connect with your Self so you can lead your inner system like the boss you are.
How Do These Parts Develop?
Most parts form as a response to life’s curveballs, especially in childhood. Maybe you grew up in a home where mistakes weren’t exactly celebrated, so your inner critic stepped in to keep you on the straight and narrow. Sure, these parts mean well, but their methods can sometimes feel… unhelpful.
IFS recognizes that even the most frustrating parts (looking at you, perfectionist) have good intentions. The goal is to help them find healthier, less stressful ways to do their jobs.
Meet the Parts
IFS identifies three main types of parts, each with a unique role:
Exiles: These are the parts carrying the heavy stuff—pain, shame, or fear from past traumas. They tend to hide out to protect you from being overwhelmed.
Managers: These parts are like the overachieving project leads, working overtime to keep the exiles buried. Think perfectionism, people-pleasing, or that endless to-do list.
Firefighters: When exiles get triggered, firefighters rush in to put out the emotional flames. Their methods? Numbing behaviors like stress-eating, binge-watching, or scrolling TikTok for hours.
Each part plays a role, and IFS helps you build a better team dynamic—no layoffs required.
What Does Parts Work Look Like in Therapy?
In an IFS session, you’ll explore your inner world like an emotional archaeologist. Here’s how it usually goes:
Getting Curious: You’ll start by identifying a part that’s being loud—maybe your inner critic or a wave of anxiety.
Making Friends: With your therapist’s help, you’ll listen to what this part has to say. Spoiler: It probably just wants to protect you.
Calling in the Self: You’ll tap into your calm, compassionate Self to reassure the part that it’s safe and supported.
Healing the Exiles: When you’re ready, you’ll work with those hidden exiled parts, helping them release old pain and find a healthier role in your system.
It’s like hosting a family reunion where everyone finally gets along (or at least stops arguing).
Why Try IFS?
Parts work can be a game-changer for:
Trauma: Healing the emotional wounds stored in your exiles.
Anxiety and Depression: Calming the parts that keep you stuck in worry or sadness.
Self-Esteem: Quieting that inner critic so you can actually be nice to yourself.
Relationships: When your inner world is less chaotic, your outer relationships tend to improve too.
You Deserve to Feel Whole
IFS reminds us that no part of you is the “bad guy.” Every part has a purpose, even if its methods are a little… over the top. By approaching yourself with curiosity and compassion, you can create harmony among your parts and feel more at peace.
Ready to Dive In?
If you’re curious about IFS and want to explore your inner world, I’m here to help. Book an appointment today, and let’s start untangling the beautiful mess that makes you you.