Attachment Styles and Brainspotting: Healing the Patterns That Shape Your Relationships
Ever wonder why you’re drawn to emotionally unavailable people? Or why you overanalyze a text message for three hours before deciding on the perfect response (only to delete it and start over)? Your attachment style might have something to do with it.
Attachment theory explains how we relate to others, based on our early experiences with caregivers. If you’ve ever felt like your relationship struggles are on autopilot—same patterns, different person—it’s not just bad luck. It’s your nervous system doing its thing. But the good news? Brainspotting can help rewire these deep-seated patterns and create healthier, more secure connections.
What Are Attachment Styles?
There are four main attachment styles, and they each come with their own unique set of relationship challenges:
Secure Attachment – The holy grail. People with this style feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. If this is you, congratulations! You probably don’t need to read this blog (but stick around for the Brainspotting part).
Anxious Attachment – Relationships feel like an emotional rollercoaster. You crave closeness but often worry about being abandoned. “Do they still like me?” is a daily thought.
Avoidant Attachment – Independence is your jam. You keep people at arm’s length and feel suffocated by too much emotional closeness.
Disorganized Attachment – The push-pull struggle. You want connection but also fear it. Relationships feel confusing, unpredictable, and exhausting.
If you recognize yourself in one of the insecure attachment styles—welcome to the club. Your brain learned these patterns early on as a survival strategy. But survival mode isn’t exactly ideal for thriving relationships, is it?
How Brainspotting Helps Heal Attachment Wounds
Brainspotting is a powerful way to access and process the unresolved emotional wounds that drive attachment struggles. Here’s how it works:
Uncovering the Root of Attachment Issues
Many attachment wounds stem from early relational experiences—times when love felt uncertain, inconsistent, or even unsafe. Brainspotting helps bring these experiences into awareness so they can be processed and released.Regulating the Nervous System
Attachment struggles aren’t just about thoughts; they’re deeply tied to our nervous system. Brainspotting helps calm the fight-flight-freeze responses that keep us stuck in anxious or avoidant patterns.Building a Felt Sense of Safety
Healing insecure attachment isn’t about “thinking differently”—it’s about feeling safe enough to connect in new ways. Brainspotting helps shift these patterns at a deep, body-based level, so security starts to feel natural, not forced.
What to Expect in a Brainspotting Session for Attachment Healing
If you’re new to Brainspotting, here’s what it might look like in the context of attachment work:
We start by identifying a relationship pattern, fear, or trigger that’s been coming up for you.
Using a fixed eye position (your “brainspot”), we tap into the deep, subconscious emotions linked to this pattern.
Your brain naturally processes and releases stored emotional pain, creating space for new, healthier responses in relationships.
Over time, you’ll notice feeling more secure, less reactive, and more capable of authentic connection.
The Transformation: What Healing Feels Like
Through Brainspotting, many people experience:
✨ Less anxiety about relationships and greater trust in connection.
✨ A newfound ability to set boundaries without fear of losing people.
✨ More emotional availability and openness to love.
✨ A sense of safety within themselves—regardless of relationship status.
Ready to Break Free from Attachment Patterns?
If you’re tired of the same old relationship struggles, Brainspotting can help you break free from the cycle. You don’t have to be defined by your past attachment wounds. Healing is possible, and secure, fulfilling relationships are within reach.
Book a session today, and let’s start the journey toward healthier, more connected relationships.