Parenting Your Inner Child: A Journey with IFS Therapy
Ever find yourself having a big reaction to something small—like feeling totally abandoned when a friend takes too long to text back or melting down over a crooked picture frame? That might not just be your adult self talking. That could be your inner child, waving its tiny arms and saying, “Hey! I have some feelings here!”
We all carry an inner child—a part of ourselves that holds the memories, emotions, and unmet needs from our earliest years. But as life gets busy with responsibilities, stress, and the occasional existential crisis, that part often gets pushed aside.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, also known as parts work, helps you reconnect with and heal your inner child. By learning to “parent” this part of yourself with compassion, you can start to feel more at peace, more whole, and maybe even a little less reactive when the Wi-Fi goes out.
Meet Your Inner Child
Think of your inner child as that younger version of you, still inside, still holding onto emotions and experiences from the past. This part of you might carry:
Joy and Curiosity: That wide-eyed sense of wonder you had before you worried about taxes or what other people think.
Hurt and Fear: The pain from feeling unheard, unseen, or unsupported as a kid.
Unmet Longings: A deep desire for love, attention, and security that may not have been fully met growing up.
In IFS, the inner child is often considered an exile—a part that’s been hidden away because its pain feels too overwhelming. But just like an actual child, ignoring it doesn’t make it go away—it just makes it act out in unexpected ways.
Why Parenting Your Inner Child Matters
This isn’t about blaming your parents, dwelling on the past, or suddenly switching to eating only dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets (though, no judgment if that sounds appealing). It’s about giving yourself what you need now, in the present.
When you start caring for your inner child, you:
Understand where certain emotions and reactions come from.
Begin healing the wounds that drive anxiety, self-doubt, or relationship struggles.
Cultivate self-compassion and treat yourself with the kindness you’ve always deserved.
When your inner child feels safe and supported, you feel more balanced, confident, and grounded. And who doesn’t want that?
How IFS Therapy Guides You to Your Inner Child
IFS therapy offers a structured but gentle way to meet, understand, and nurture your inner child. Here’s how it works:
Connecting with Your Inner Child: Your therapist helps you tune in to this younger part of yourself. You might notice emotions, memories, or physical sensations tied to it.
Creating a Safe Space: Your inner child needs to know it’s safe to express itself. (It’s been waiting a long time for this.) Your therapist helps you build that trust.
Accessing the Self: In IFS, your Self is the calm, compassionate leader inside you. This part of you is capable of giving your inner child the love and reassurance it needs.
Reparenting Your Inner Child: You learn to offer your inner child comfort, validation, and unconditional support—the things it needed back then and still craves now.
Common Emotions Your Inner Child May Hold
As you connect with your inner child, expect a mix of emotions to bubble up. Some may feel tough, but they all hold valuable insights:
Sadness or Grief: For the love or attention you didn’t receive as a child.
Anger: At those who hurt you or didn’t show up the way you needed.
Fear or Anxiety: Stemming from feeling unsafe or unheard in the past.
Joy and Curiosity: Yes, it’s in there! Your inner child also holds your playfulness, imagination, and sense of wonder—you just have to reconnect with it.
IFS helps you process these emotions so your inner child feels seen, heard, and understood.
How to Start Parenting Your Inner Child (Even Without Therapy)
If you’re not ready for therapy just yet, there are still ways to start nurturing your inner child today:
Practice Self-Compassion: The next time you feel hurt or overwhelmed, ask yourself, “Would I talk to a child this way?” If not, try a gentler approach.
Create a Dialogue: Journaling can be a great way to check in with your inner child. Ask questions like, “What do you need right now?” and listen for the response.
Engage in Play: Revisit things you loved as a kid—finger painting, roller skating, building blanket forts. Joy is healing.
Set Boundaries: Protect your inner child by saying “no” to things that drain you and “yes” to what feels safe and nourishing.
Healing Is a Journey, Not a Quick Fix
Reconnecting with your inner child isn’t a one-time event—it’s an ongoing relationship. Some days, it’ll feel easy; other days, it might feel like your inner child is throwing a tantrum in the cereal aisle. That’s okay. The key is to keep showing up with patience, compassion, and maybe even a little humor.
Let’s Explore This Journey Together
If you’re ready to start healing and reparenting your inner child, IFS therapy can help. You don’t have to do this alone. Book a session today, and let’s work together to create the safety, love, and support your inner child (and your present self) truly deserves.