Self-Compassion Through Parts Work: Making Peace with Your Inner Critic
You know that little voice in your head that pops up at the worst times? The one that whispers (or, let’s be honest, shouts), “Wow, that was dumb,” or “You’ll probably fail, so why even try?” Yep—that’s your inner critic.
For some of us, this voice sounds like a strict teacher. For others, it’s more of a sarcastic reality-show judge. Either way, it’s not exactly the motivational coach we wish we had. Instead of building us up, it often leaves us feeling stuck, anxious, or convinced that everyone else in the world has their life together (spoiler: they don’t).
But what if I told you your inner critic isn’t actually out to get you? In fact, it’s trying—poorly—to help you. The good news? You can learn to work with this part of you instead of feeling like it’s running the show.
Meet Your Inner Critic: The Overzealous Bodyguard
In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, aka parts work, the inner critic isn’t just a random mean voice—it’s a part of your personality with its own thoughts, feelings, and (misguided) intentions.
Think of it like an overprotective bodyguard. It’s trying to keep you safe, but instead of calmly guiding you away from danger, it shouts things like:
“If you don’t do this perfectly, people will judge you forever.”
“Oh no, you embarrassed yourself in third grade—let’s relive that moment at 2 AM.”
“Let’s just not try new things, okay? Too risky.”
This part of you means well, but its strategy is, well… questionable.
Your inner critic likely developed as a response to past experiences—maybe you grew up in an environment where mistakes weren’t okay, or you learned that being hard on yourself was the only way to stay ahead. But just because this voice has been around forever doesn’t mean it gets to drive the car.
How to Heal Your Inner Critic (Without Fighting It)
Most people try to silence their inner critic by ignoring it (doesn’t work), arguing with it (exhausting), or drowning it out with Netflix (relatable). But in IFS, we do something different: we get curious.
1. Notice When Your Inner Critic Shows Up
Pay attention to when this voice is the loudest. Is it when you’re trying something new? Speaking up in a group? Wearing that bold outfit you love but fear is “too much”? Identifying its patterns helps you understand its triggers.
2. Ask It Some Questions
Instead of immediately shutting it down, try asking:
“What are you trying to protect me from?”
“What’s the worst thing you think could happen?”
“Hey, do you need a vacation? Because you are working overtime.”
You might be surprised—the inner critic usually just wants to keep you from feeling embarrassed, rejected, or not good enough. It just doesn’t know how to do that gently.
3. Connect with Your Compassionate Self
IFS talks about the Self—that calm, wise, compassionate part of you that actually knows what’s best. When you can approach your inner critic from this place, you can start shifting the relationship.
Instead of saying, “Shut up, inner critic,” try:
💛 “I see you’re worried. I get it. But I’ve got this.”
💛 “I appreciate you trying to help, but I don’t need to be perfect to be worthy.”
💛 “Let’s work on new ways to feel safe—ones that don’t involve roasting me.”
The Magic of Self-Compassion
The real key to softening your inner critic? Self-compassion. Yeah, I know—it sounds like one of those things that’s easier said than done. But hear me out:
When you respond to your inner critic with kindness instead of resistance, it starts to chill out. It realizes it doesn’t have to scream at you to get your attention.
How do you practice self-compassion?
✅ Acknowledge its good intentions – It’s misguided, but it’s trying to help.
✅ Validate its feelings – “I see you’re worried, but we’re safe now.”
✅ Offer reassurance – “I don’t need to be perfect to be loved.”
✅ Remind it who’s in charge – (Hint: it’s not the voice still harping on that awkward thing you said five years ago.)
What Happens When You Heal Your Inner Critic?
As you work with this part instead of against it, you’ll start to notice shifts:
🎉 Less self-judgment – That critical voice won’t be the loudest in the room anymore.
💪 More confidence – You feel freer to take risks and be yourself.
😌 Better emotional balance – Less spiraling, more self-acceptance.
🤝 Stronger relationships – When you’re kinder to yourself, it’s easier to connect with others.
And honestly? Life just gets easier when you’re not constantly dodging mental daggers from your own brain.
Practical Steps to Start Soothing Your Inner Critic
Even outside of therapy, you can start shifting this relationship today:
🧘♀️ Mindful Awareness – Catch the critical thoughts without immediately believing them.
✍️ Create a Dialogue – Write down what your inner critic says, then respond with kindness.
🌟 Celebrate Strengths – Balance criticism with reminders of what you do well.
💆♂️ Practice Self-Care – Rest, movement, connection—whatever helps you feel safe and supported.
You Deserve Your Own Kindness
Your inner critic is just one part of you—it’s not the whole story. And the more you respond with curiosity and compassion, the more you can shift that voice from relentless drill sergeant to helpful, slightly awkward assistant.
Ready to Rewrite the Script?
If you’d like support in working with your inner critic—rather than battling it—I’d love to help. Book an appointment today, and let’s start turning that inner voice into a supporter rather than a saboteur.