Perfectionism and Trauma: How Brainspotting Helps You Embrace Being Human
Let’s talk about perfectionism—that exhausting need to do everything just right (and then double-check it… and maybe triple-check, just in case). On the outside, perfectionism can look like an admirable trait. You’re reliable! People can count on you! You hold yourself to high standards! But inside? It’s often a different story.
Perfectionism can feel like an endless loop of anxiety, self-criticism, and never feeling "good enough." And more often than not, it has deep roots in trauma—especially if you grew up in an environment where love and acceptance felt conditional. The message might have been clear: “If I’m perfect, I’ll be safe.”
How Perfectionism Shows Up in Everyday Life
Perfectionism doesn’t just show up at work or school. It’s sneaky and finds its way into all kinds of situations:
✅ Spending hours rewriting an email to make sure it sounds “just right.”
✅ Obsessing over every little detail of a project, even when everyone else says it’s great.
✅ Putting off starting something new because you’re afraid it won’t be perfect from the get-go.
✅ Avoiding relationships or social situations because you fear being judged or making a mistake.
✅ Exhausting yourself with endless to-do lists that never seem to be complete.
Or maybe you’ve found yourself deep-cleaning the house at 10 p.m. because there’s a guest coming over next week (no judgment—we’ve all been there).
Why Trauma Fuels Perfectionism
Perfectionism often starts as a survival strategy. If you experienced childhood trauma, whether it was emotional neglect, criticism, or unpredictability, striving for perfection may have felt like the only way to stay safe and gain approval.
You might have learned to scan for danger by anticipating people’s needs, fixing problems before they arise, or making yourself “useful” by always doing things flawlessly. Over time, this hyper-vigilance becomes a habit—one that’s incredibly hard to break, even when it’s wearing you out.
And let’s be honest: perfectionism can be lonely. It keeps you stuck behind a polished exterior, afraid to let anyone see the messy, human parts of you. (Spoiler alert: those messy parts are where the magic happens.)
How Brainspotting Can Help You Let Go of Perfectionism
Brainspotting isn’t about forcing yourself to “just be okay” with imperfection. It’s about gently exploring where those perfectionist tendencies come from—and releasing the old wounds that drive them.
Here’s what happens in Brainspotting:
We identify what’s coming up. Maybe it’s the overwhelming pressure to be the best, or a sense of panic when things are out of your control.
We find your brainspot. This is the eye position that helps you connect with the part of your brain holding onto those stress patterns.
We let your brain and body do the work. As you focus on the brainspot, your system starts to process and release the stored trauma behind your perfectionism.
What Healing Looks Like
Clients often notice that they start giving themselves more grace. You might:
✨ Send the email after one proofread instead of twelve.
✨ Start a creative project just for fun—not because it has to be the best.
✨ Let someone else take the lead (without worrying they’ll mess it up).
✨ Ask for help and accept that you don’t have to do it all on your own.
✨ Embrace the idea that “done” is often better than “perfect.”
One client I’ll call “Alex” shared that after a few Brainspotting sessions, they found themselves leaving dishes in the sink overnight without spiraling into anxiety. To some, that’s no big deal. But for Alex, it was a revolutionary act of self-compassion.
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Loved
Perfectionism tells you that you have to earn your worth. But the truth is, you’re already enough—just as you are. Brainspotting helps you reconnect with that truth, releasing the old survival strategies so you can live with more freedom, ease, and authenticity.
If you’re ready to lay down the heavy burden of perfectionism, let’s talk. Brainspotting can help you make peace with being human (and maybe even enjoy it).
Click here to schedule your session and start your journey toward healing.