Shame: The Silent Saboteur (and How Brainspotting Can Help You Break Free)
Let’s talk about shame. Yep, that uncomfortable, squirmy feeling we all try to avoid. If guilt says, “I did something bad,” shame says, “I am bad.” Ouch, right? It’s like having a tiny (or not-so-tiny) inner critic living in your head rent-free, constantly pointing out your flaws, mistakes, and embarrassing middle school memories.
And here’s the thing: shame loves to keep us stuck. It convinces us we’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough to move forward. It whispers things like, “Who do you think you are?” and “Better not try—you’ll just mess it up anyway.”
But there’s good news: shame doesn’t have to run the show. Brainspotting can help you work through the deep roots of shame, so you can finally show up in your life with confidence, courage, and maybe even a little swagger.
How Shame Sneaks In (and Sticks Around)
Shame is sneaky. It doesn’t always come from some big, traumatic event (although it can). Sometimes it shows up in smaller moments over time:
A parent’s disapproving look when you were just being your weird, creative self.
A teacher rolling their eyes when you raised your hand and got the answer wrong.
A partner dismissing your feelings with, “You’re overreacting.”
Over time, these moments add up, sending the message: “There’s something wrong with me.” And shame loves that message. It feeds on it, growing bigger and bossier until you start believing it’s true.
Before you know it, shame’s calling the shots. You might find yourself:
❌ Holding back in relationships because you’re afraid of being seen too clearly.
❌ Overworking, people-pleasing, or striving for perfection to “earn” your worth.
❌ Sabotaging opportunities because deep down, you don’t believe you deserve them.
❌ Feeling disconnected from who you really are because shame convinced you to hide the best parts of yourself.
Sound familiar? You’re definitely not alone.
Why Shame Keeps You Stuck
Here’s the tricky part: shame doesn’t just live in your thoughts. It’s wired into your nervous system and your body. That tightness in your chest when someone gives you feedback? The urge to disappear during an awkward moment? That’s shame at work, hijacking your stress response.
Shame activates the same part of the brain that processes physical pain. Your body reacts as if you’re under threat—because in a way, it feels like you are. And when your nervous system gets stuck in that loop, it’s hard to move forward, even when you know on a logical level that you’re not in danger.
This is why simply telling yourself, “I should be over this,” doesn’t work. (If only it were that easy, right?)
How Brainspotting Helps You Heal Shame at the Root
Brainspotting is like a deep, healing conversation between your brain and your body—without needing to explain everything in words. It helps you access and process the unconscious emotional wounds where shame often takes up residence.
Here’s how it works:
You focus on the feeling. Maybe it’s a memory, a sense of dread, or a belief like, “I’m not good enough.”
We find your brainspot. That’s the eye position that helps you connect with the emotional charge in your brain and body.
You observe what comes up. As you hold that gaze, your brain naturally starts processing the stuck emotional energy—whether it’s old memories, physical sensations, or feelings.
You release and integrate. Many people feel lighter, clearer, and more at peace afterward—like finally letting go of a weight they didn’t even realize they were carrying.
A Little Story (Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Story?)
Let’s take “Emily” (not her real name, of course). Emily was the classic high achiever—straight A’s, employee of the month, perfect holiday host. But inside, she carried a secret: an unshakable sense of not being “enough.” No matter how much she accomplished, there was always that voice whispering, “You’re still not doing it right.”
During Brainspotting, Emily realized that voice wasn’t actually hers. It was an echo from years of subtle criticisms growing up. As she processed those memories in a session, something shifted. The voice got quieter. She stopped feeling like she had to prove herself constantly. And guess what? She even said no to an extra project at work—and didn’t feel guilty about it. Win!
What Life Looks Like After Healing Shame
When shame loses its grip, you might notice:
✨ You stop second-guessing yourself all the time.
✨ You speak up without rehearsing your words a million times.
✨ You stop apologizing for existing (no more “Sorry, can I just…?”)
✨ You feel more you—authentic, confident, and comfortable in your own skin.
✨ You take risks, try new things, and open yourself up to connection without the fear of being “not enough.”
Ready to Show Shame the Door?
Shame is a heavy load to carry. But it’s not yours to hold forever. With Brainspotting, you can gently process and release that old pain, reconnect with your true worth, and move forward—lighter, freer, and more grounded in who you are.
If you’re ready to let go of shame and step into your full, brilliant self, let’s talk. I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
Click here to schedule your Brainspotting session and start your journey toward healing.